Saturday Night is All Right For Fighting

Well, not really fighting, but holy moly did I get drunk.  There was fun with the Italian and the tall active duty coast guard dude.

I am starting to think that I collect hot young guys the way I do shoes and handbags.

Weight Loss is the easy part

ts the keeping it off that is hard.

I have seen a lot of threads today 

"how can I still have this..."

"I HAVE to have "

And I just wanted to say, I was at lifetime. I was at 118 lbs. Check my stats. I am not there now. DO you know why? Because I did what it took to lose the weight, but I never bothered to understand why I gained it to begin with. I didn't change my attitude about food. 

And guess what. The weight came back. No, not all at once. But over time. And guess what else?? I struggled to keep it off. It was like torment. Why? Because I wanted to eat all of the old junk that I used to eat.

I finally realized that in order to KEEP IT OFF, I needed to change the mindset. It wasn't enough to just follow the plan. That's the easy part. Following the plan will get you to lose the weight. 

So, now, I don't HAVE to have anything. It's food, not life support. Do I still have sweets? Yes. Do I still drink? Yes, because I want to. I plan for it. Which means I don't do it every day. Because to quote Kate, this is going to be the last week that I weigh 145. 

But what do I know, I am just a meanie.

So the above was a post I wrote on the Weight Watchers board. And I got a lot of positive responses. But someone had another thought, she was rambling but she really had a good point about it not being fair. And my response is so what. Yea it's not but then neither is life. And someone else said that they agree, that they hear the "I can't live without X food" and she said you know what I can't do, I can't go back to being overweight, etc.  And I couldn't agree more, I can't go back to being so completely miserable. I am so vain, that I can guarantee you that I won't be *that* person ever again.

Evah.

so, I joined a gym...

for a variety of reasons. But two of the biggest ones were I needed a place to run when it rained. I know, I know, I could just run in the rain as long as there isn't lightening etc. And when I become a seasoned runner, I may just do that, however, since I am a newbie still, I would rather stay dry and not water log my iPod.

The other reason is that I HAVE to start weight training.  The home weights weren't cutting it. And honestly, I like to do free weights in the gym. Have you seen some of the guys there. Ok, so that isn't my main reason, but it is  definite bonus. Anyway, I know how good lifting is. And I want to be strong.  

Anyway, I went today. And I realized that while I want to do weights, I need to bring along my routine with me. Yes, you know, the ones we all have from Women's Health or Her Fitness, etc.  i will be the only person doing that I am sure, because I saw NO ONE else doing that. But you know what. I could care less. It is better to have a plan than to haphazardly do weights without a plan.  As you guys know, I am all about the planning.

Because I have a goal. I am on a mission. To be taut and cut. By my birthday, hell, by new year's. I will do it. I will turn back time.  

In other running news, there is a half marathon in February, the weekend of my birthday, that I am going to sign up for. 

In other dating news, well, all is quiet on that front. Unless you count the White African guy from Myspace who lives in NYC. He is an option. I will get back to you on that.

baer

Learning to Live in the moment

This has always been something I struggle with. I guess it's because I am slightly OCD and have to have everything planned out etc.  But lately, I have learned to not just live in the moment, but not stress about what the future holds.

Maybe, it's because I am going to go to UM and have the long term future is too much to contemplate. Or maybe it's because I don't know if I believe in "the one" not sure. But either way, I may start to analyze things, but I easily just let it go.

Men do this. They live in the moment ALL THE TIME.  I have always said that if we could learn to behave more man-like (no, not burping and farting at will) but not to analyze things. It really is an easier way to live. So, I shall enjoy the month of October. Because thus far, it has been truly fabulous.

Is Sharing Caring???

So I was told that I share "everything" and it wasn't said to me in a good way. As in, I am too honest? Or as in TMI?? I wasn't sure, and to be honest I didn't really get a clear answer. But it makes me wonder, is there such a thing as too much sharing.

Of course, I am talking about relationship/dating interaction. I was always told that honesty is the best policy. But maybe I am wrong. Not necessarily to be dishonest but to be very lawyer like and only give the information that has been requested. Is that what makes successful relationships?? Is it true that anything other than the actual answer to a guy is just superfluous and therefore irrelevant. Or just annoying. I mean we all do annoying things. Don't we. Of course we do.

Or is it that this complete and unabashed openness is so contrary to what is the norm that it makes guys feel uncomfortable. And guys, we know, don't do uncomfortable well. I don't know. I think the lack of sleep may be interfering with my ability to discern this comment in proper context that it was given.

Or maybe it's just time to act like opposite George.

User Names

Some of you may know that I have a group of friends and we all post on the Core Board at Weight Watchers. Well, we all have these different user names, of course to protect our identity. Obviously the people whose user names are their actual first and last names or their email addresses didn't get that memo. But whatever, that's not my point.

Tonight, I noticed that there is this one user whose name is jasonsgirl38 and it got me thinking. Identity crisis much???  I mean seriously is that the best you could come up with. No wonder so many women are so co-dependent and remain in completely fucked up relationships. We have no identity other than what a man brings us???  I am sure that this person didn't intentionally mean that when she signed up for Weight Watchers but I think this subconsciously says a lot and I don't think by any stretch that she is alone in her low self esteem. I know she isn't because, Hi I'm pot, nice to meet you kettle.

So, can we all agree to at least try and pick a user name that signifies who WE are, not who we belong to. Like we are chattel or property.  That went out a long time ago.  

Of course, if Sara Palin becomes VP then who knows, maybe all that is old will be new again. For now, however, I think it's time that we women stopped being our own worst enemies.

But who am I to talk. My yahoo id is ajflfan. As in an Alan Jackson fan. As in...never mind, that's another blog.

Going to the U!!

of Miami that is. I have gone on and on about this incessantly this week I am sure. My friends are probably tired of hearing about it.  But I have been given an incredible opportunity and I do not plan on squandering it.  I can remember in high school getting the application and taking a tour of the campus with my uncle. It was and is an incredible campus. I *wish* I could have that whole experience, but alas, at 39 (and holding) I think I need to refocus my priorities.  Which is graduating summa cum laude.  Seriously.  

I feel like I am about to embark on an incredible journey. A path that a month ago I didn't know existed and yet here it is. Place in front of me and what that journey entails is yet to be written.

This one's for you Kimmie!!!

The Last Lecture

I didn't see it when it aired, but I heard one of the lines last night about walls being put in front of us and those walls not being obstacles but really determining how bad we want to get what is over the wall.It is a lot like the Interested vs Committed. We can make excuses, or we can see the wall and muster up whatever courage and strength we need and get OVER IT. The wall that is.It truly makes the accomplishment that much sweeter when you have had to work at it. I mean when you pour your heart and soul into something and you accomplish your goal, that means more than something that comes easy. It really does. We all have the fortitude we need to overcome those walls. It is just a matter of pausing, taking a deep breath, and charging full steam ahead.I started this thread, not about weight loss and our struggles but about another topic completely. However, the message applies regardless of the topic and the goal in question.My sister taught me that you should follow your dreams NOW, because you don't know what the future holds and sometimes, there isn't tomorrow. I am taking my deep breath, and I am charging ahead. Anyone care to join me?

Soundtrack of my life

I keep playing this song over and over. I love it.

Backstreet Boys

"I Still..."

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

No no
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

You just never know...

about life that is.  A friend of mine said that to me today. You think that you are on one path, walking along and before you know it that path has wound around and suddenly you are on a completely different path, headed in a completely different direction.  Sometimes it isn't what we want, and sometimes it leads us to something better in a very roundabout kind of way.  

I am not sure how I feel about that but at this particular moment that is what I think is happening with me. I think I am on one path headed one way and then all of sudden, oops, not anymore.  I like to think that I have grown enough as a person that I can seamlessly make this switch and not skip a beat, but sometimes, I can't.

Sometimes, you like the path that you are on and it takes blind faith to trust that you will eventually wind up in a place that you are happy with.  For me, the OCD in me just doesn't always allow a seamless transition.

**sigh**  if only I could learn to just go with the flow. It definitely would make things easier.  Or I could just drink more. That would make it easier too.