Getting to Meet Patty

One of my highlights of my trip. And one that deserves it's own blog.  she is funny and smart and nice and thoughtful and just makes me want to be a better person.

I was so glad to have been able to meet face to face someone that I consider a friend. I wish i had more reasons to fly out there to visit with her.  We talked about so many different things and it's amazing to me the stories that she could tell.

I know I will be out there again.

An interesting evening on the town

to a hip hop club, sorta.  Whatever label you want to slap on it, it was not my usual cup of tea. But I had a fun time watching the people dance and they did play some good music. From there we went to Hard Rock and Murphy's Law.

And while we were hanging this really good looking guy, built like you would not believe approached. He was a marine (insert screams and giggles here).  We started talking, he bought me a drink and then he went in to kiss me and my thought was......i don't want to kiss him.  It felt wrong to be doing that for some reason. I mean, it should not have because B and I have not discussed anything, I mean how could we? We spent, what? A week? three days together talking and several more texting all day and on the phone. That doesn't mean that I have any obligation but my heart isn't in getting with someone else. 

Completely and totally irrational i know. But that was what my thought was. And then the dude, told us about his suite upstairs and did we want to go up with him, he had friends there. And when my friend said, uh, NO, you are a stranger, he proceeded to try to convince me that I should leave her and go with him.??? What?? Dude, really, have you never heard the saying chicks before dicks. And even if you hadn't what fucking part of no didn't you get.  So of course, I was pissed.

But then on the drive home I became melancholy as I of course compared my experience in Canada with this asshole. I mean I had B, walk me to my room and not make an inappropriate gesture at all. Actually, not any all night. Which just impresses me more and more as days go by.  

And makes me sad, because it's so ironic. And so the way my life goes. I had trouble having a relationship when the guy lived one county over. A continent apart is going to prove difficult.

Leaving Vancouver

proved more difficult that I would have thought.  i really enjoyed my time there.

Thankfully I have unlimited texting.  it makes keeping in touch much easier.

Canadian Impressions

We get dressed up and go to dinner at a very nice local restaurant in an area of town that is very popular and hip.  From there we go to a bar across the way and happen to run into a group of young and extremely good looking Canadian men.  Of course, I start talking to all of them and before you know it they have joined our huge group and are one of us.

I was impressed mostly by the maturity of these men, even though their age would indicate otherwise.  However, I quickly found out that they weren't anything like American men.  One in particular seemed to get along particularly well with me and seemed to act and say all the right things.  We went to a club where I promptly met the lead singer of Nickelback.  And spent the evening talking to an impressive young man. 

As we walked into the club, and were standing around I noticed some girls coming onto to the guy I was talking to, B for short. Well he wasn't interested and was pretty sincere and adamant about not being into finding a girl like that. Well, she moved onto his buddy and he apparently had no such qualms.  At the end of the evening we were ready to leave and this girl was completely drunk, the friend says, "it's not about hooking up with her, it's just I can't leave someone in that state to fend for themselves" and we tracked down the friend and walked 4 city blocks about 10 times looking for her car.  At this point, I was not going to leave her to fend for herself either, but what was impressive was that the two guys that I was with were also very adamant about not leaving her either.  

Finally we found her friend, and the car and then B took me back to my hotel where he walked me up to my room, gave me an amazing and tender kiss goodnight, and left. Wow. He didn't try anything, he was the absolute gentleman!!  I was so very impressed with everything that I could not wait to see what the rest of the week held.

Vancouver Day 1

I flew into Vancouver last Sunday afternoon. It was cold and rainy, but a totally different kind of rain than what I am used to here in South Florida. For one, it didn't completely screw up my hair. Which in and of itself was shocking.  I get corralled onto a bus and we take off to our hotel. I notice a lot of activity and what seems to be a very youthful city. In appearances as well as the age of it's population. Something I noticed almost immediately upon disembarking the plane was the high concentration of Asians. Well, duh, it is the Pacific NW. So of course, there aren't going to be any of the usual ethnicities that I am accustomed to seeing.

Back on the bus, we are chugging along to the hotel, and I get dropped off at the entrance where i am met by a representative of the conference. I check in and to the 14th floor to an amazing suite.  I walk around, go to the hospitality suite and realize, hey, I have time to go to the gym and go for a run. So I do just that.

the reception was held at a different property so we loaded up on a bus again and head over to the other side of the waterfront area. The seafood that they are serving at this shin dig is absolutely some of the best I have ever had.  The salmon w/sea salt and the freshest sushi.  I even tried the oysters on the half shell as I had not tried that before, and while it was not my favorite, the freshness of the oysters was apparent in the fresh lemony flavor that they managed to impart.

I found my partner in crime and started making plans to carry over the party to a local drinking establishment but at about 8pm local time the bottom fell out of my time zone.  Jet lag hit me like a sack of day old non-core rolls and I went back to my hotel where I promptly fell asleep. I was so tired that i slept through my 5am wake up call.  I still managed to get up in time for the day's activities. Which included some brain storming on various obstacles that we all may have faced at some point and an attempt to use co-creation to overcome these hurdles.  It was a good team building experience. 

I then had the wonderful fortune to be able to meet Patti.  She drove up from WA and we met and had coffee and tea for a couple of hours. I found her to be absolutely charming and engaging and absolutely the same in person as she is online.  My only regret is that we did not have enough time to stay together and go shopping or some other fun activity. Of course, I was talking to some young cute Canadian construction workers at the time when she arrived.  But that's another blog.

Vancouver Trip

I am sure that this trip will generate many posts. There was a lot to write about.

It is definitely a beautiful city.  I imagine that I would have liked to have spent more time there.  I was also impressed by the Canadian men. I mean, for someone like me, who likes the "white" boys, well, you can't get any whiter than Canada. 

But what impressed me most about the people I met, was the attitude. It is hard to verbalize, but I definitely feel like they were real, and not like the some of the playah's you have down here.  

in fact, I am constantly in awe of the radical differences.  I could go on and on, but truthfully, I am tired. I am sure that I will have time later to reflect more.

First day of school

I always take the first day of school off. Well, I don't think I actually did last year, but Jon was in 5th grade and Ant was going to the high school that he always has gone to.

But this year was different. Shyanne started kindergarten. So of course, I had to take the day off.  I cried when I dropped her off, of course, not in front of her.  But, afterwards.

So, I am sitting there waiting in car pool lane to pick her up and I am looking at all the other obviously stay at home mom's and think to myself, that is just so not me.  I love my daughter dearly, but I have no desire to be one of those volunteer mom's and hang out in her class room or go to the school assembly's, but I do want to see her experience that stuff.

Ah, and the year begins.

By the way, I am ok with me as a mom.  I think it's great that there are mom's like that out there. I just wish I knew a mom more like me.

Nip Tuck

How did I never see this show??  I have asked this repeatedly the last few days. It is not at the top of my netflix queue.  

I want a tummy tuck and a boob lift now for sure!!

Experiences

Each experience brings something new to the table. Something that we were not previously aware of in ourselves. Whether or not we use these experiences to benefit and learn from is up to us.  I want to believe that I am the type of person who does that. And no matter what the negative outcome, I will have he fortitude to somehow find what golden nugget and use even the most depressing event to somehow impact myself in a positive way.

I guess I somehow lost sight of this and don't want to do that again.  Remember where you have been and where you are going. Happiness comes from within and not the actions of those around you. Something else I somehow forgot along the way.  As I sit here and listen to the rain fall down from this tropical storm, I decided that only I can choose my course, my destiny. No one else. And if what I choose to do today isn't what someone else thinks I should do, well, that isn't my issue, that's theirs.

Remember this.

Things that aren't worthy of their own blog.

Since when is the trampoline an olympic sport? I suppose it's better than curling. 

Who the hell is Tim Dagget and why is he an expert in gymnastics.

My knee feels ok after working out to Taebo. It was the first time. I did it ok, but I still felt it.

Did they feel it necessary to interrupt General Hospital so many times to tell us that it is still raining by Tropical Storm Fay.

I hate feeling foolish.

My horoscope for today

Daydreaming about your future is like playing pretend -- fun, but not productive.

Seriously? What the fuck is up with that horoscope. Holy shit, i need to stop reading this crap. Either that or stop daydreaming. 

What I Want

“Josh: All I'm saying is, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop to get a beer.
Donna: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.”

This is what I want. The sentiment expressed here is what real relationships are based on.  This is what I am talking about.  I do know that I believe it still exists.  I just wonder if it's guaranteed to everyone.  

My Date

Was great. And no, I didn't rhyme on purpose. 

It was. He is hot and like I said, either the world' s best player or an extremely mature and sincere guy.

So, I continue to proceed with caution and remain guarded.

That is all.

Weird Tax and Audit Guys

I came to the conclusion the other day that the people who go into the Tax and Audit field are the people who in high school were the kids most likely to be picked on or harrassed on a regular basis. You know the kids who got their lunches dumped, or the kids who had the kick me sign on their back.

Yep. Those kids have grown into our Tax and Audit Dept. In particular, creepy tax manager. Dude, this guy gives you a look with a smile that makes Heath Ledger's rendition of the joker seem like a cartoon character. Honestly, dude. I had the misfortune of having this idiot sit in a desk not far from mine. They moved him and I thought, victory is mine!! I can go back to walking regularly rather than succurying by in order to reach my desk unscathed by his weird ass look. Luckily, for me, he would be sleeping 5 times out of 10 that I walked by, so I only had to scurry 1/2 of the time.

I wonder if narcolepsy falls under ADA protection?

80's Dance Music and the 80 Year old

Well, actually my grandfather is more like 84. But the other day when I was dropping off the DD and the pooch as I walked through the garage (yes, the man still smokes like a chimney and really at this age, smoke away I say) to say hello, and go into the house I noticed that Papa was listening to 80's dance music. Trenere to be more specific. Well, that's odd I thought as he is usually listening to some spanish talk radio that goes on and on and the unjustices done to Puerto Ricans. 

No, I must have heard wrong. I go into the house, ask my mother, why there is 80's dance music (of which I am a fan no doubt) on in the garage. She said, IDK, maybe it was an accident. Perhaps. So mow, I am perplexed, I go out into the garage again, and yep, it's Trenere for sure and the is just sitting there smoking a cigarette, looking out the open door and listening to this.

I go back inside, and confirm for all, that yes, the 84 year old is indeed listening to the music of my youth.  I get coffee, say my goodbyes and leave. Now Expose is on. Clearly, this was not a mistake.

And I realized, I liked 80's dance music, esp. Expose.  Ahh, good times.

Men and Relationships

Hah, so I had a typo as I typed in the title.....Realationships.  Which of course was probably Freudian, because we all want a real relationship. One based on trust, consideration and respect. And yes, who are we kidding, we want the sparks, the attraction, you want to feel good about the person you are with physically and emotionally.

But if you have always fucked up in this area, then how to get to that. How do you get to where you have complete trust in someone else. For me, it is examining what went wrong in the past and learning from it.  Which isn't always easy, but when it comes down to it, I could just be like Opposite George (ala Seinfeld).  

I said last night that I consider myself the eternal optimist.  I get knocked down by love and it may take me awhile to get up and dust myself off, but I inevitably always do.  It's almost like breathing, an uncontrolled physical response.  I also fashion myself like Samantha, from Sex and the City, but I think that there may a little Charlotte in me as well.  Which leads me to hope, hope that eventually, I will find that someone for me.  My tv comparisons are never ending.

And don't get me wrong, I am very happy in my own skin and life, and don't peruse the personals. This isn't a quest to find Mr. Wonderful. I would hope that Mr. Wonderful would pop up when you least expect it. Timing however, is everything.

Which leads me to today. Or rather tomorrow. I have a date. And I could think of a million reasons why I shouldn't go. Why I KNOW it will only end eventually and how this date is so out of my box and my comfort zone, and so totally not at all what I would think of when I think of a potential boyfriend.  But then, last time I checked, I was not a fortune teller or a psychic. I do have good instincts, however, and so my instincts say, proceed, but with caution. Because as easily as it could go wrong, it could go right.  It could turn into nothing.  Or it could be wonderful.  

I am after all, the eternal optimist.

The Neighbor

Seriously, gives me enough material alone for this blog.  The newest thing.

My apartment complex, yes, the ghetto fabulous of Weston, has decided to FINALLY fix the concrete on many of the curbs. You know the curbs where the idiots who don't know how to park have hit repeatedly and through time has broken or cracked. Well, for the low, low price of super inflated South Florida rent you too can enjoy the luxuries of having to almost break your ankle when you walk out of your car and trip over said curb. Multiple curbs really.

Anyway, I guess the bozo's here finally had enough money from skimping on NOT GIVING ME  A NEW DISHWASHER AND STOVE, digression sorry, and have managed to cobble together enough to "reconcrete" these curbs. They used the cones to mark the area that is "wet concrete" well, Ms Wonderful Neighbor decided that she is going to use said cone to block that parking spot so that no one will park in it. And the morons that surround me didn't park in the spot! Well, to hell with that I did, and then she admitted it to me. Because I took her spot?!?!  Hello Ms Missouri 1983, there aren't assigned parking spots. 

*sigh* yea, I pretended to think she was so ingenious.  Really, I just wanted to get home. And it's easier to politely comment than anything else.

In other random parking news, apparently the new young and hot police officer that now lives here thinks he can park on the curb illegally.  cool.

At work restrooms

My company owns the entire building that we are in.  I am on the third floor.  Am I the only one who has some public restroom pet peeves??  I mean really, I can't be the only one who feels like this.

For example, if there are 6 stalls in the entire bathroom and it is empty, except for me, WHY MUST YOU CHOOSE THE STALL NEXT TO MINE.  Honestly people.  Do you want to be right next to a person as they relieve themselves. I certainly don't, thus my always choosing the farthest one if possible.

Secondly, don't talk to me once I close the door. Really, pretend that the doors go up to the ceiling. Because I can multi-task, but that is one place I don't want to!!

Third, yes, there are more than two.  Don't take stuff into the stall with you. Unless it's your purse and you are hanging it on the hook. The floor is not an appropriate place for paper, pens, calendars or anything else other than your feet.

Fourth, courtesy flush. Enough said.

And that ladies and gents ends my public bathroom rant.

don't get me started on the talking on the cell phone in the stall.

Teenagers

My mom says we were the same way.  I of course remember it differently, however, I can remember being annoyed and trying desperately to hide that fact from my parents because I didn't want them to think that was annoyed. Because then I would be accused of having an attitude. And as I have been told about a million times, I have no poker face. My emotions show all over my face, all the time.

Well, my son has inherited that skill from me. I don't know that he views it in a positive light, but his emotions show all over his face. And I have to remember that it isn't personal, it's just a teenage thing. But that is so difficult to do in the moment.  The same arguments I had with my parents I am now having with him. As my wise friend E told me, it's inevitable that we become our parents. 

Well, maybe it is, but I am only go to allow it go so far.

Opening Ceremony

Yea, so apparently the opening ceremony was amazing.  I wouldn't know because I didn't watch it.  And I don't even really care. I have a big problem with the Olympics being in China.  

But I do want to support our athletes and my daughter likes gymnastics, so I will watch.

And then they did a story on Dara Torres.  She is like my age, or close to it.  And her body. wow.

of course, she is/was/has trained for the Olympics. THE OLYMPICS for God's sake. So, I guess I should not really compare myself to an OLYMPIC ATHLETE, regardless of her age.

It just goes to show that as usual, Jodie is right.  Your body will do anything your mind tells it to.

John Edwards

My heart is broken.  Not because he cheated, I have my opinion on that, but basically it isn't my business.

My heart is broken because this country in their blind stupidity will allow one of the most progressive people to slip into oblivion. This was a politician who sincerely cared about the little man.

And the little man, with their little minds, will not accept this.  Sad, because we could use leaders like him. Leaders who weren't afraid to challenge the establishment in order to promote the greater good. For society as a whole, not just for the wealthy.

Finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel

For the longest time now, ever since Kim died, I suppose, I have felt very unsteady. I had described it as staring into an abyss and floundering. Treading water, because I felt as if I had no purpose, no goal, nothing. What is life, but a passage of time that we mark, and does any of it really matter if once it's over, you are gone, and you stuff gets divided up amongst those who loved you but are left behind.

It's been a dark hole that I have been in and I can't help but tear up when I actually describe it in writing. My children, have been the saving grace in all of this for me. Because they don't understand that mommy wants to stay in bed all day.  They don't understand the creature comforts of sitting inside of the house all weekend. So for them, I managed to wake up everyday and move somewhat zombie like through my existence.  

After this past week, however, I have had a reawakening.  I feel as if I am ready to forge ahead with my life.  40 is just around the corner and rather than contemplate all of the things I wanted to accomplish by this age and haven't I choose to focus on what I have accomplished.  A lot of it really is how you look at things. But you can't change your outlook, until you are ready to.  People can talk to you until they are blue in the face.  Until YOU are ready to forge ahead, until YOU have decided that enough is enough, you won't.  Like I have said on my weight loss blog, I can't control a lot. For a control freak, that could be disheartening.  Instead, I choose to focus on what I CAN control.  One is what direction I choose to head out in. I can also choose how I view things and events in my life.  So, this control freak is going to do just that.

Church Lady Judgements

I always love getting called out for something I said or did. But, honestly, judgments bother me.  I guess I hold people to the same standard I hold myself and I would never judge someone based on how they decide to live their life.

Of course, I have been to enough therapy sessions to say that I was only upset for all of 5 min and then I realized that we are all different and not everyone has to like the way I live my life. Piss on them.  Even my mother said that whatever I am doing, and it isn't always what she agrees with, but whatever I am doing, I must be doing something right because, her words "Those kids adore you" So to let some random WWer think that her words have an affect on me, not happening. Not in my lifetime.

So why, you may wonder, do I feel the need to reaffirm this in writing.  Somehow, having someone spew such violent vitriol towards me makes me feel the need to cleanse myself of their hatred.  

I am proud of how I live my life. I don't need to justify it to anyone. 

Lazy

I guess they really are the lazy days of summer, because I have been so lazy this summer. I have no desire to do anything. Truly.

I go to work, obviously because I have no choice there, but that's about it.  In an effort to be less lazy, I am going to go out with the girls this saturday night. Again, because I really have no desire to do so, but once I am dressed and out I usually have a good time.

That and I want to go to a place where there will be lots of people watching.  So we shall get dressed up and go out, where some poor schmuck will be fascinated by my exotic ethnicity and buy me a drink, me knowing the entire time that I have no desire to be with this doofus.  Either that or a really good looking guy will buy me a drink in the hopes that I will blow him in the car. Hah, that always cracks me up, so I guess the going rate for a blow job is $12 give or take (the cost of a drink).  Yes, my friend, good luck with that one, because unless you are Patrick Dempsey from my facebook page or Josh Willengham a blow job ain't happening.  I tell you what, you go down first, then I will finish. Hah, and if you believe that I have some property in the Everglades I want to sell to you.

Ok, so this post went from talking about the lazy days of summer to the ridiculous notion that men have about women and blow jobs. Hmm, that's pretty much par for my course.

In other irrelevant news, I bought a pink and black doggie stroller. So now, I can take Sedona, the three legged wonder pooch, for walks. Because, I mean, really, how far of a walk do you think a three legged dog can do? She gets around great, but eventually, well, she only has three legs. I get tired after awhile and I have only two.

The Stereotypical Nosy Neighbor

Yep, I have one. Or her I should say.  I have lived here since the beginning of 2006 and she was already here. You know the one, she know everyone who moves in and out of the building. She know what is gong on with the building across the yard. Maybe because her lanai faces that building and is on the corner. And I have to walk past it EVERY time I want to get to my apartment.  

And she always has a comment.  About everyone. And it doesn't matter if I have a ton of groceries in my hands.  If you don't stop to chat, then in her eyes, you're rude. I know, because apparently I am the only one who stops to chat with her. Either that or she gives us all the same sob story. I do think I am the only who stops through, mainly because I am the only one in our quad that speaks English.  No matter, those foreigners are still rude, in her mind.  And to make this even more cliche she lives with her mom.

The latest news flash she had for me is that my teenage son has friends over when I am not home. Really, SHOCKING! Yea, I know that, they are teenagers.  That's what they do. Because you come from some cornfield where teenagers don't gather apparently.

I know the hispanic ethnicity and long hair freaks you out, yes, she actually said this, but this alone does not automatically make them gang members, ffs.

In other neighborhood news, a group of rather young and good-looking bachelor's have moved into the building.

False advertising

Apparently facebook places these little ad's on the side of your page based on what you have on your profile and page, and are specifically tailored to your interests. Well, they must have a special deal on the online dating ad's for single almost 40 year olds because that is what keeps popping up on mine. All different sorts of sites.

The latest had a picture of Patrick Dempsey as one of the guys looking for love. WTF?? Do they really think that there is anyone online even as remotely good looking as Patrick Dempsey. 

And if there was, don't you think that poor guy is inundated with responses.  That's how it is down here in beautiful South FLA. Unfortunately, guys like him are like Big Foot, often rumored to have been seen, but a true sighting is rare indeed. Women like me, also unfortunately, are a dime a dozen.

So enough Facebook with your deceptive and false advertising.

I really am Samantha

And my life often feels like a Sex and the City episode.  Well, there was the hot guy and the BJ

And now I have the cute and attractive short guy.  And like Samantha, I am not really sure how I feel about that.  It is completely and utterly superficial of me and totally vain. But I think we have already discussed that I can be both of those things, and I am ok with it most of the time.

But this guys seems so sincere that it almost makes me feel bad blogging about it here. Almost, but not quite  What's a girl to do.

Why are guys so predictable??

I go out with the girls last night, something we haven't done in awhile. And we wind up walking around downtown hollywood, which is a pretty cool and different area. Way different than downtown Ft. Lauderdale and definitely different the the Hard Rock.

Well, of course the one night I go out in like oh, I don't know, this year, of course, it happens to be completely dead. However wowza, get a load of the hot guy working the bar. We go in, one thing leads to another and we are in the back office, late at night.

No, I didn't have sex with him, and I was ok with all that happened but the more I think about it the more I think, eh, no dude, I am not ok with it. I changed my mind. Guys can be predictable then woman are allowed to change their minds.

Actually, though, nights like last night, are really fun and reminded me of why I like being single. It really was a Sex and the City episode. 

And yea, I am Samantha.

deal with it.